Wine used to mean something.
A pause. A gesture. A way of saying, “This moment matters.”
Now, too often, it’s just a reflex.
What once brought us together began filling the space where connection used to live. It became a prop for stress, a background habit, a quiet default when the day felt too heavy or too fast.
And yes, I’ve seen it unfold. I’ve worked in wine for over 30 years.
I’ve made it, bought it, sold it, and celebrated its best expressions.
I’ve watched people fall in love over a glass.
And I’ve seen people quietly unravel with one in their hand.
My own mission over the years has always been to create wines that overdelivered on price and quality was built on the belief that wine should elevate experience, not cheapen it. But not all wine is created equal.
While I focused on crafting authentic wines with a sense of purpose, wines with a link to heritage, land, people and place, many mass-market bottles are built differently.
They are driven more by margins than meaning. More by jazzy labels, added sweetness and psychological tricks than by balance, story or character.
Selected by bean counters, not grape lovers.
The result? Wines that are easier to drink, but harder to stop.
More bottles. Less presence. Less pause.
From ritual to reflex
There’s a quote misattributed to Fitzgerald but undeniably true:
“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”
This shift from meaning to habit is not theoretical. It is physiological.
That is what happens when wine stops being a ritual and turns into a reflex.
We reach for it without thinking. Not to toast, but to soothe.
Not to celebrate, but to switch off.
We didn’t mean to stop drinking wine.
But somewhere along the way, the wine started drinking us.
The science behind why wine worked
Here’s the irony. Wine’s magic was never really in the wine.
It’s the connection, not the content
In a 2012 study, psychologist Michael Sayette and colleagues at the University of Pittsburgh studied 720 strangers. Each was given one or two drinks, a placebo or a soft drink.
Those in the alcohol group smiled more, but more importantly, they synced emotionally. Their facial expressions, tone and rhythm aligned in ways the other groups didn’t.
This wasn’t just surface-level bonding. It was genuine. But the benefit peaked at light to moderate intake.
Go further, and the drink starts doing the talking while the listening fades.
From strangers to spouses
This isn’t just about new connections. In established relationships, shared drinking patterns make a difference, too.
In a 2024 study, Dr. Kira Birditt at the University of Michigan followed 4,656 married couples over two decades.
Couples with aligned habits, whether both drinking lightly or both abstaining, reported higher marital satisfaction than those with mismatched drinking patterns.
The difference wasn’t about alcohol. It was about rhythm. Taking the same pause at the same time.
Pubs, presence and wellbeing
In 2017 research, Oxford’s Professor Robin Dunbar found that people who regularly visited a local pub felt more supported by their friends and more connected to their communities.
They trusted more. Laughed more. Felt better.
The real factor wasn’t the drink. It was the ritual.
Rituals change the brain
Dunbar’s earlier research showed that laughter, music and shared toasts, even without alcohol, trigger endorphin release. These are the same brain chemicals that deepen trust and connection.
It’s not the drink that creates bonding. It’s the moment that surrounds it.
How we lost the thread
We started pouring faster. Drinking alone more. Using wine to mark the end of a day, even when it didn’t deserve a toast.
We poured because it was six o’clock. Because we were bored. Because we were tired.
We poured without asking whether we were present or just on autopilot.
Around the world, wine has long been woven into social rituals.
Georgian supras unfold over hours of toasts and storytelling. In Portugal, vinho verde is sipped alongside petiscos, shared plates built for conversation.
Spanish porróns pass from hand to hand. Clay qvevri are buried in the earth. These traditions don’t rush the glass. They respect the moment.
You can see echoes of this today in the rise of natural wine bars and slow wine movements. People are hungry for something more intentional. Something with roots.
We didn’t need to abandon wine.
We just needed to stop letting it abandon its purpose.
The way back
At Alcohol Reset Coach, we’re part of a wider conversation across the trade, one that champions drinking with intention and values wine for its true craftsmanship.
We are not here to tell you to quit wine. We are here to help you reclaim it.
Not as a crutch. Not as a reflex. But as a conscious choice.
A moment that marks something. A rhythm you control.
A pause that adds depth, not distraction.
When wine is used with care, it connects. When it is used on autopilot, it distances.
The difference isn’t in the glass. It’s in the intention.
Before you go…
When did you last truly taste your wine, not out of guilt but presence?
Enjoyed the blog? Discover more about Alcohol Reset Coach and how the ARC NAV™ system helps you reset your relationship with alcohol → Homepage
PS. Want to drink with more intention?
ARC Essentials+ is powered by ARC NAV™, a system designed for the real world
ARC NAV™ stands for Notice, Adjust, Verify.
It gives you a GPS to navigate the breakdowns, roadblocks and bumpy roads that usually throw you off track.
Whether you’re stuck in old habits or simply tired of stopping and starting, ARC Essentials+ gives you a structure that works with your life.
It’s already helped early clients rebuild their relationship with alcohol on their terms.
→ Find out more
PPS: Curious about the science?
If you’re interested in the evidence behind these ideas, here are some of the sources and studies that informed this blog. Each link opens in a new tab:
- “Alcohol and group formation: A multimodal investigation” – University of Pittsburgh, 2012
Alcohol consumption enhanced genuine social bonding in newly formed groups. - “Your health: The benefits of social drinking” – Oxford University, 2017
Moderate alcohol use in social settings is linked to stronger community ties and well-being. - “Couples with similar drinking habits may live longer” – University of Michigan, 2024
A long-term study found higher marital satisfaction among couples with matched drinking behaviours. - “Social laughter triggers endogenous opioid release” – Proceedings of the Royal Society B, 2011
Shared laughter increases bonding through endorphin release. - “Drunk: How We Sipped, Danced, and Stumbled Our Way to Civilisation” – Edward Slingerland, 2021
Examines alcohol’s role in human creativity, trust, and culture across history. - Habit formation viewed as structural change in a behavioural network – Nature Communications, 2023
Explores how repeated choices reshape automatic behaviour patterns. - How Social Learning Theory Works – University of California, Berkeley
Shows how habits and behaviours are shaped by observing others.
Leave a Reply